Some people, because of their--their
genetics and their family history, they may be at much higher risk
to experience actual Substance Use Disorder or addiction than other people.
Right. And so I didn't know any of that.
I didn't know that--how bad of a combination it can be with mental
illness or with significant mental health issues.
It can make them so much worse.
Side effects with meds, and all that kind of stuff.
I didn't--I didn't understand any of that.
All I knew was that I needed to feel something because I was so numb.
And so I just dove right in. Right.
Without even thinking. The summer from junior to
senior year was bad. I literally blew all the money that I had
saved up and pressure started to build.
I get back to school senior year
and in that first week of senior year, everything came crashing down.
You know, I get back to school and I had
come off of a whole summer of hanging out with all of my kind of like party friends.
And--and I get back and I'm around all of my successful classmates.
And I start to build this panic in my head.
And I just started to feel like I let everybody down.
I started to feel like I was a failure and I couldn't handle the pressure.
And in that first week of senior year,
I decided that I did not want to be around anymore.
I wanted to do everybody a favor and I wanted to--
I wanted to die. And so I decided to end my own life.