I just remember feeling so lonely
and disconnected from myself
and my immediate family.
And it was just this gap that felt like it was always growing.
And I just did not have the
language, the emotional intelligence
to start filling in that gap, and nor did my mom.
So we were just kind of looking at each other like what is happening?
And I think at the most intense moment was when I probably started
engaging in self-harm and severe
anxiety, severe depression,
probably some suicidal ideation,
just absolutely drowning in this isolation.
But I think it was, yes, isolation from my immediate family,
but isolation and numbness from myself.
And just this withdrawal from everything.
But then at the same time, I could go and hang out at school
and put on this face of “I'm fine, everything's great, Let me put on a show.”